Hi, I’m Illegal: Part III

After an incredible visit to Semuc Champey, we traveled to Antigua, Guate to see the colonial city that is very popular among tourists. I enjoyed Antigua, really beautiful and very clean. It was interesting to see a place in Central America so catered to tourists. Except for the Bay Islands, Honduras is still trying to figure out the whole tourism thing. They’re getting there, especially in places like Copan Ruinas, but Antigua still has Copan beat. The interesting part though is that many of the B&B’s, hostels and restaurants in Copan are run by foreigners originally from Europe or North America, people who understand the business of tourism and what it takes to make clients happy. Likewise, in Antigua, the hostels were very accommodating, the restaurants had excellent service equipped with a lot of American-friendly meals, and almost everywhere had bilingual workers. Not to mention, souvenir shops upon souvenir shops. I saw so many white people here, it was a little overwhelming. All in all though, it was a great stay and I hope I can return someday. Also- the morning before we left, I had a bagel and cream cheese. GLORIOUS.

Main road in Antigua. The arch/clock is the remnents of a 15th Convent at the end there. Que bonito.

The day we left Antigua was one of ease and comfort. We figured out exactly how we would be getting from Guatemala to Nicaragua and had everything all planned out. The plan was to stay in EL Salvador for one night and then continue on to Granada, Nicaragua where we would be for four days. At this point my friend, Brett, had left to go back to the U.S. and it was just the four chicas. The first border we crossed was the Guatemalan exit border. They let us out with no trouble. Abby and I laughed a bit about how absurd our last border experience had been compared to this one. Little did we know that in a few minutes our laughter would be turning to tears. (How melodramatic does that sound?) After our exit border, we were crossing into El Salvador. Note to self: El Salvadorian border guards don’t like illegal Americans.

Mr. El Salvador walked onto the bus telling everyone that he was going to check our passports. As he did so my heart was beating fast and hoping upon hope that we would get through okay and that our illegal tampering with documents would not be discovered. Oh to dream. He got to Abby and checked hers…kept checking…twisted his face in a few different confused positions, and then said, “I need to go check this.” I gave him mine as well, off he went, and there we sat, fingers crossed. About 15 minutes later he returned to the bus, held our passports in the air, stared intently at us and said,

(Authors note: this is an abbreviated version of the conversation and much better when heard in person.)

“Get off the bus right now. Get off. I’m sorry but these are not valid. Get off the bus”
“But..we…but…why?”
“You are too far past the date, these have BEEN CHANGED.”
“But we were told we could pay a fine. We have money, here take our money!!”
“No, you can’t do that here, you need to get off the bus, get your luggage from underneath and go back to Guatemala.”
“Sir, please, we need to keep going, we will pay the fine, just…”
“NO. GET OFF THE BUS.”

Ahhhhh! In my head I am thinking ”okajdfnglakdfn omg omg omg omg omg omg omg we shouldn’t have changed them. Omg omg. What are we going to do…. Ahahaiogodnfkajdng gaaaaaaah” On the outside however, I was a bit more calm and collected. I complied with directions and put on my negotiating hat. We were NOT going back to Guatemala.

We made our way off the bus and as we did so, Abby began to call Triny, our principal. At this point I was so pissed, scared, confused, I didn’t really know what to do. The border officers kept telling us what our offenses were and we pleaded with them, saying that the Honduran immigration office said that we could pay a fine and be on our way. We lied and said that the immigration office had changed our passports and that we didn’t know what he was talking about; we still should have five days to leave the country. We also lied and said that we were catching a flight the next day in San Salvador to leave the country. Of course this is all happening in broken Spanish on our part and broken English on his part. Then came the tears. I could have made them too…just being so frustrated in the moment, but Abby beat me too it. She began her crying act with real tears, wailing about how her sisters have an air flight out of the country tomorrow and we have to leave. Here, I began to take on the “calm one” role, explaining our situation, negotiating as best I can in Spanglish. Meanwhile, we get a hold of Triny on the phone. Abby, still crying, explains (between deep crying breaths) that we were at the El Salvador border and they weren’t letting us pass. We put Mr. El Salvador on the phone with Triny. All I heard was a lot of yelling in Spanish. While this was happening, we had quickly become quite a spectacle for the entire bus and many of the vendors around the borderline. It was so hot out and the sweat was trickling down my face just as Abby’s tears were coming down hers. It was about this time when Abby stopped crying and said to her sisters, and me

“Sorry guys, thought the tears would work.”

As the men were pulling out our suitcases from below the bus, Mr. El Salvador went once again to check and see about our passports. We began to put on our backpacking backpacks, still talking to the other people on the border- everyone giving us advice on what we should do. Suddenly, Mr. El Salvador came running back,

“We have a solution! We have a solution!”

Oh? Do tell. You mean you put us through all this trouble and now you are going to let us pass? Yep, pretty much. We follow him into the office, 50 yards away. To make a long story a little less long, turns out they were going to let us pay a fine. $115 each. That’s a pretty hefty sum, but we were just fine with that. They extended our stay in the CA-4 and though we’d have to leave Abby’s sisters in Nicaragua a day early, we decided to just go with it and figure things out later. Thankfully, the bus waited for us. Mind you, this entire process took about 30-40 minutes. All the rest of the people on the bus were thinking, “stupid gringos!” I could care less though; I was just so relieved that we weren’t being sent back to Guatemala. One of my favorite lines was while we were in the office, Abby
was still crying, trying to convince the guy to let us stay an extra day in Nicaragua…

Abby: “Mis hermanitas tienen deciseis (deep breath in between crying) y deciocho anos y no puedo dejarlas…cry cry cry cry”
Mr. El Salvador: “I understand you are very sentimental, but please calm down.”

I almost laughed out loud. Sentimental. Ha. Abby is a Miranda and hates chick flicks. Don’t even get her started on “Eat Pray Love.” She threw the book against a wall mid way through.

After getting settled back onto the bus, I asked Abby if I could be the one to call Triny back. In the back of my mind I had been preparing my speech full of words like “unprofessional,” “unnecessary,” “ridiculous,” “unacceptable” and “unfair.” A lof of “un’s.” Of course, my real thoughts included words like “bullshit,” “I quit,” and “you suck.” When Triny picked up the phone, this is basically how our conversation went,

“Hello?”
“Triny? It’s Sarah. We got through and we’re on the bus, going to El Salvador. But it almost didn’t happen. It took a lot of convincing, a lot of heartache, stress and tears. This should never have happened. Our passports should never have been expired, and this should have been taken care of months ago. This is YOUR responsibility as stated in our contract and we should not be put in this position. It is extremely unprofessional and this is EXACTLY the reason American teachers quit your school EVERY YEAR….”
“Sarah. Sarah. I tried. You know I tried….blah blah”
“Well you did NOT TRY HARD ENOUGH.”
“Sarah…“
“You have had foreign teachers for 10 years. This sort of thing is absolutely ridiculous and entirely unacceptable, and I have half a mind to quit right now…”

I pretty much continued on this rant barely pausing to let her talk. I wouldn’t say I was yelling but I certainly was talking very sternly. About mid way into my rant or her attempted reconciliation, I lost service on my phone and basically hung up on her. So not only did I call my BOSS unprofessional, ridiculous, and threaten to quit, but I also accidentally (unbeknownst to Triny) hung up on her.

People always say that you should take a few deep breathes, wait a little bit before talking to someone about a problem, not do it in the heat of the moment. As good as my speech was, I think I could have taken a page from this book. I usually do, too. It’s rare that I let the heat of the moment get to me, but I suppose it needs to happen occasionally for me to remember for next time.

When we got to our hotel in San Salvador, we wrote Triny and email, apologizing for the hang up and explaining further our situation. It ended up that we didn’t hear from her for about 5 or so days which was almost as bad as my junior year spring break mess (anyone remember that?) We did finally hear back from Triny’s husband, Phil, and it was all very understanding, apologetic, and with no negative feelings. That was a load off, for sure. Before that however, about 15% of my brain was thinking, SHE IS GOING TO HATE ME. To which Abby so eloquently would reply,
"Sarah. No. She totally f*cked us over." FACT.

This story has a happy ending though. Once in San Salvador we found ourselves at our hotel where we had reserved an economy room. We got even further discounted because we were taking a bus the next day from its “sister” company. When we entered our room, not only did we have a TV with cable, but also the most amazing shower I have seen in Central America. The water pressure was amazing, the hot water was almost too hot (almost) and the towels were tan suave. After our hot travels and extremely stressful day, we all took showers and then watched Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde. Hot showers and stupid television…awww reminds me of home. Thanks, Elle.

Holllerrr Guatemalllerrr

Guatemala, y'all. That's what's up.

Our trip through Guatemala gave me a new place to put on the top of my list of the most beautiful places I have been. That's a tough title to give, and I am sure Lake Michigan or Yosemite could top it on a different day, but right then, right there, I could not imagine a prettier site.

The journey began as we departed from our comfy gringo shuttle and ran across the street to our most epic ride to date. It was more than going across the street, it was time to enter into the world where personal space, comfort, and common sense is completely foreign. On our three hour road trip from Ranchero to Coban, we saw a beautiful country side and many a Mayan man climb into our little van. We were driving in a 16-seater van and I kid you not when I say that for a majority of the ride we had 30 people in the van...probably more. I wish I had counted. Every time you thought there was no way they could fit another person, we would suddenly pull off to the side of the road and pick up a few more workers. Fortunately, Brett and I scored the front seats of the van, up near the driver meaning we didn't really have to deal with this at all. We just observed the happenings. Abby, Hannah, and Alex on the other hang were not as lucky. I would occassionally look back at them with a sympathetic look in my eye all the while glad I had been one of the chosen ones for the front. With there being 30 men where there should only be 15 people, you can imagine the squishy close quarters. Did I mention that these guys were all traveling back home (presumably) after long days/weeks/months of dirty work? Let's just say they were not the cleanliest, best smelling bunch of people I've ever seen. Our drop off in Coban was long awaited and very welcomed. The best part about this entire ride that is was no big deal to everyone else. In the U.S. we freak out if we don't wear seat belts or sneak an extra person in the car. HA. Someone answer me why Cid got a ticket from a police officer for not wearing his seatbelt in a friends car, but these vans and buses pack them in by the buttloads and no one thinks anything of it. Hypocrisy my friends, it's all over.

Coban, Guatemala is nothing really too special except for the fact that they have a mall with a fake Gap (Gap P.S.), a McDonalds, and a Pizza Hut. We were set up at a nice posada with fake hotwater for showering. As in, they advertised hot water, and had hot water heaters on the shower heads, but really it was just a little more tolerable than freezing water. We did however score with our choice of dinner restaurant. This Italian restaurant was the answer to our hunger prayers with the cutest and nicest Guatemalan lady to serve us. Neither Guatemalan or Italian, I got a cheeseburger. But believe you me it hit that hunger spot like no other.

The next day was Christmas Eve and our final traveling day for a while. We awoke early enough to get some huevos rancheros at our new favorite restaurant, change some more money into Quetzales, and pack up the rest of our stuff. We were a bit hurried out the door when our shuttle came earlier than expected. Imagine our shock. Early? On Time? Unheard of! Brett and I were waiting patiently on our shuttle for about 10 minutes while the girls continued to pack their things. When Abby finally got on the bus with her sisters, she said "Sorry, guys, had some issues with finding passports." Cue my gasp and stomach drop. "SHIT!" As I sped off the bus, yelling "Espera! por favor espera!!" I had completely forgotten my passport in my hotel room in the little desk drawer. Estupida! Thank god she said something. Leaving your passport at a hotel in the States is scary...imagine doing so in Guatemala. That was a close one.

Our trip to Semuc Champey was a little less crowded than our previous van ride. Not to say that we weren't squished. We were certainly sitting very close to eachother, but at least it was next to each other and not random Guatemalans. The bus started off decently full, and then just got more and more so as we continued up and around the mountainside. Probably the best part was when a Mayan woman got on the bus with a white bag. When the bag began to squeal a little bit and move around, we soon learned that there was a little pig in the bag. Abby was the lucky one sitting next to it. So despite us not seeing any chickens on our chicken bus (that's what these uber crowded buses are called) we saw a pig. After the woman departed, Abby turned around and asked "Do you have your hand sanitizer? I have pig poop on my hand." Ah Central America.

This journey to Semuc Champey brought us through the lucious green mountainside of Guatemala. We almost tried to get there the night before, but goodness am I glad we opted for the morning's daylight. I was in awe the entire time. First of all, we were driving through the middle of nowhere. Like- seriously- THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. You wouldn't see life for miles and then all of a sudden there would be a little tiny shack house of a Mayan family, who I can only imagine had lived there for ages. The entire time I was asking myself, WHO lives out here?! There is no way people move here, which makes these tiny little neighborhoods of Mayan families all the more fascinating. I just love thinking about how many generations have lived on that same plot of land. The other really cool thing about Guatemala is how ingrained and present their indigenous culture is there. Seventy percent of Guatemala's population is indigenous, meaning they speak the Mayan language, practice the religion, and wear the traditional dress. Our entire trip I loved catching wind of a conversation between Mayans and listening to their language. Entirely different from Spanish, it was fairly easy to pick out for Abby and me.

Rolling hills upon hills. G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S.

The landscape was incredible. Just hill upon hill upon hill upon hill upon mountain upon peak of rolling greenery. It was like nothing I have ever seen. The greenery were various different plants but I think a lot of it was coco beans, mainly because we were offered several hand mand chocolate candy bars from malnourished Mayan children. "Chocolate! Chocolate! Cinco! Chocolate!" The land though, man, it was just so cool. And the people who live out here are so poor. Not to mention, they pretty much have no choice to be completely self sustaining, as there is no grocery store down the street. I imagine many of the men we were dropping off on our way, go into the "city" to work for a few days/weeks and then come back with money for their family. I sometimes think Santa Rosa is a different world, but compared to these places, it's like living in New York City. The trek was long, especially because we had no real idea how far it would be, but we finally got to our little hostel right outside of Semuc Champey National Park.

This hostel, like everything else near Semuc Champey, is in the middle of nowhere, staffed with a delightful group of Guatemalans who welcomed us with great service, yummy food, and a cheap stay. Not so cheap though that we didn't have to budget our money as there are no ATMs for about 3 hours. We were housed in little one room cabins with adjacent bathrooms. No hot water for miles and electricity only from 6:00pm-10:00pm. So rustic! Our stay here allowed us to just chill for a bit. In our down time we would pretty much read or play cards with some fellow travelers. During our stay we met some really cool people from all over- specifically- Canada, Denmark, Norway, and the U.S. Hardly any of them knew much Spanish, but they all were completely fluent in English. Damn Europeans. So smart. The biggest character of them all though was of course the one U.S.A-er that we met. Originally from Lansing, Michigan, Jerrod, call me BEAR (rooting from Jerbear), has been traveling around for the past 5 years, and only recently has traveled past the U.S. borders into Mexico and Guatemala. Doing odd jobs here and there to make money, he was a 60's hippie in the wrong generation. He was probably in his late 20's wore only tie-die and I don't know if I ever saw him wearing shoes. My hippie, flower child, drifter suspicions were confirmed with his in depth explanation of his book that he is writing. Something about being raised on television and now following the ways of the rainbow connection. Does anyone know about the "rainbow connection"? It's like this movement where you only think positive thoughts about other people, etc etc...I'm not really sure. Anyway, he was a hoot. But super nice. Oh, and he has been traveling down here for around 3 months without a passport. He came here on a whim, somehow snuck past the border gaurds and has been traveling ever since. I think that sums up his chill attitude pretty well.

Now enough about the accommodations and the staff. Our first glimpse of Semuc Champey came the day we arrived. After having lunch we ventured to this natural place of stunning beauty. Semuc Champey was only discovered by tourists in the past 20-30 years and is therefore still very much untouched. There is a gorgeous picture of this place in Abby's Guatemala guidebook and though she traveled all throughout Guate before coming to the Hondo, she never made it to Semuc Champey. After hearing amazing things and carrying this picture with her everywhere, she was determined to get there and brought me with her. Semuc Champey is what paradise looks like. So beautiful it doesn't seem real, like something created in a movie with computer graphics. It is made of these emerald pools of water formed by a river which runs underneath the land. Various sizes of waterfalls are sprinkled all around with the entire area surrounded by a gorgeous mountain scape. Our first glimpses left us in awe. What's more is that you can completely swim in the pools, perfectly temperatured water, I felt like a mermaid. Unfortunately my words can't do it justice. Fortunately, however, I have pictures, which also don't do it justice, but it helps.

The opening of the river that forms the whole thing.

The river runs through it. A book, a movie, and the contents of this photo.

Emerald/turquoise water. Jealous?

Paradise.

Swimming in the Semuc Champey pools...don't mind if I do.

View from the top of the mountain. A unexpectedly tough hike, but completely worth it. This also, is the picture that brought us to Semuc.

Me peering out on the beautiful splendor.

While most of you were opening presents, drinking egg nog, and singing Christmas carols, I spent my Christmas day a little different. One word: CAVES. Quite possibly the coolest thing I have ever done. The hostel we were staying at gave daily tours of the caves outside of Semuc Champey. These caves were only discovered by locals 15 years ago! How cool is that?? Our cave guide was named Sebastian and he, according to him, was the best tour guide and while some guides only took you half way, he'd give us the real deal. Well, I believe him, because I certainly felt that I had gotten my 40 Quetzales worth...equivelant to, um...5 dollars. Yeah, ridiculously worth it. We first met Sebastian when we got to the cave tour cabin thingy and they told us about our wake up call, prior to going in the caves. In other words, jumping from a rope swing into the water. No big thang. We were not expecting this to be part of the tour, but hey, when in Rome. This was at about 9:00am and needless to say, if I wasn't awake before hand, I certainly was afterward. The "owner" of the caves said "You think that was fun? The caves are better." Alright then! Bring on the caves!

Let's compare for a second:

Spelunking in the U.S. or any "1st world" country:
-consent form
-helmet
-harness
-life jacket
-head lamp
-flashlights
-first aid

Example A. Random person I don't know from google images. Spelunking in Missouri.

Spelunking in Guatemala:
-candle

Also from google- actual caves, and potentially the same guide, as us. They are clearly not my pictures, as I didn't want to bring my camera in the water. But you get the point. Is this kind of creepy that I'm taking other people's pictures? Probably.




Our cave experience was so Guatemala, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Sebastian, a native Mayan mountain man from the area took us through these caves with only a candle and our trust in him. Before we went in he did his version of a consent form (mind you everything he said, was all in Spanish.) "Everyone can swim, right?" Yes, swimming. In caves. There were literally moments where we could not touch, and were swimming with one arm, and holding our candles with the other, above our head, as to not let the flame go out. Even when we weren't swimming, we were always at least waist high in water. Events in the cave included climbing a waterfall, jumping off this huge rock into a very risky pool of water...aka the stupidest thing I've ever done. I survived fine, but the potential of something going wrong...aka me hitting my head, leg, or any other body part on a piece of rock, was higher than it should have been. It was so incredible though. I really felt like I was in Disneyland. The caves did not seem real...as if they were created for the Indiana Jones ride. But, they WERE real! And so were the bats. mmm...yummy. All in all we spent about 2ish hours in the center of the earth, and it was so freaking cool, which I pretty much said 689 times while swimming and walking through.

No way does this do it justice. Imagine this in pitch black, add a candle, bats, and waterfalls...for 2 hours. Then multiply that by 50, and it was that cool, maybe more. I felt like I was in the Goonies or something.

The other eventful happening was our lovely friend that the girls had visiting their bedroom one night. Alex came out to the common area one night and said, "Abby, did you see the spider in our room?" "No." "Literally, THIS BIG." And we all know when people say, "OMG, IT WAS SO BIG" it really isn't that big. Well, this time, NO. We all went into the room and DEAR GOD IT WAS A GIANT TARANCHULA IN THEIR ROOM. Hairy, huge, black, taranchula. Cue freak out. I don't mind killing spiders, but um...hellloooo...how do you kill something like this?? With a gun?? This is not your, let's get my shoe and smash it. No no friends, this was hard core spiderage.

Legit as big as my hand.

Well, 2 minutes later the entire hostel was in the girls' room, looking at the spectacle. Of course it took the locals to actually get the bug...you can't even call it a bug...the animal, out of the room. They were like, "it's not a big deal, we live with them, they're apart of us." Yeah, well, that may be so, but I'd rather not sleep with one right next to my head, kthanksbye. It was fine though, that was the last sighting of any taranchulas for the rest of the trip. Never in my life have I seen something like that. eeeee!

Our Semuc Champey trip was concluded with a lovely breakfast and then a trip through the mountains in the back of a pick up truck. This was our quote in quote "shuttle service" that we reserved. Hm. While I was a little nervous at first, I gotta say, riding in the back of a pick up truck through the luscious green mountains of Guatemala, is pretty sweet.

Alex, Abby's stepsister, me, and Hannah, Abby's sister, holding on for dear life in the pickup truck.

Wind in your hair, perfect views, and the air quality is fantastic. Since then, I'll have you know that I have now ridden in about 4 pick up trucks. Being a seatbelt nut, that is saying something. Once again, all I can say is, when in Rome...do what the Guatemalans do.


P.S. Want to see more pictures? Sure ya do! Check out my facebook album or my friend Brett's pics!!