Tela Tela Bo Bela

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD

For Independence Day, Abby, John, and I took a little trip to the coast of Honduras on the Caribbean Sea. At first we wanted to go to El Salvador but decided to stay in country on our first traveling adventure. There are two main modes of transportation in Honduras: chicken bus, and a-little-bit-nicer bus. A chicken bus is an old school bus (and I mean a yellow school bus, not like yo dawg that’s old school) converted into a bus that travels the country and packs it’s passengers on like chickens. 3 to a seat? No prob. Sitting in the aisles? Let’s do it! A-little-bit-nicer buses are more of a charter type bus you’d see in the States. The first bus we took was on the extremely nice end of a-little-bit-nicer buses. It had A.C. a bathroom and very comfy seats. Not to mention it was only half full. Ah, luxury. The next bus from San Pedro Sula to Tela was a bit of a downgrade- a “charter” bus with individual seats, but no A.C. and half the seats couldn’t tilt back at all or were permanently stuck in a completely-reclined-practically-laying-down position. I’m not complaining, just explaining.

Thankfully, or so we thought, we had a bit of entertainment in the form of a fellow traveler, which would help the time pass. Enter, Arthur, a German gent who has very good English and has been teaching in San Marcos, Honduras for about ten months. Having such a great past experience with our Brit friends (see below) Abby, John, and I were more than happy to make the acquaintance of another foreigner. Our first tip that he might be a little on the odd ball side was when we asked him if he liked San Marcos. He sat there, starring at us with his squinty eyes, stroked his reddish goatee, paused for oh I’d say a full two or three minutes and then finally said. “Yes.” Ohhh okay. As you will see, he was quite the character…but I digress.

We arrived in Tela around 8:00pm and found a taxi to take us to one of the mini hotels we found in our trusty guide books (thanks Geni!). These mini hotels are all over Central America and are the best cheap option when a city doesn’t have hostels. It was great to be on vacation but I soon learned that Tela should probably change its slogan to, "Tela, Honduras! Ripping off Gringos since 2002!"

Rip off number 1: Taxi Ride
20 limps per person. In SR it’s 14. Pssh.

Some how Arthur tags along to our little mini hotel. We decide to stay here because it was super cheap: 200 limps for 2 rooms for 1 night = 50 limps a person = $2.50 per person. The rooms were small, hot, and no hot water. There was a fan though. Thank God. In Tela I am convinced that people are in a perpetual state of sweaty and stickiness. But whatev, we’re young, we’re cheap, and all we need is a place to sleep. John shares with Arthur leaving Abby and I to bunk together. That night, we eat, we see the beach, and we sleep. Keep in mind that 12 hours prior we had been marching with small children down the streets of Honduras. Hallelujah Vacation.

As we were looking for a place to eat that night we stopped into a hotel that gave us a map and mini guide to the Tela area. I am reading a bit about the surroundings and- NO FRIGGIN WAY. The only Botanical Garden in Honduras is in…dun dun dun dun! TELA! Some of you will not understand why this is such a big deal, and for you, I must take a second to tell you a little something about the Tiger Lilies.

In my final semester at Michigan I took two classes; one required for graduation, and one required to perfectly round out an amazing senior year. Organizational Studies 490: Organizational Leadership and Identity. Once upon a time the CEO of Jet Blue Airlines decided to give the U of M Organizational Studies Department a grant of $10 million dollars. And you thought I didn’t have a real major. Tsk Tsk Tsk. Enter Victoria V-Lil Johnson. One of my favorite professors, Victoria applied for some of this mula in order to fund a research class on the leadership and identity of botanical gardens. To make a long story short this class consisted of 9 amazingly beautiful, funny, talented, brilliant ladies (known as the Tiger Lilies), a fearless leader, all expenses paid trips to 5 gardens in Chicago and New York City, and a kick-butt final project that changed the University’s Matthaei Botanical Garden forever. Not to mention a future wedding engagement. ;-) Needless to say, botanical gardens hold a certain meaning for me far beyond exotic plants and pretty flowers.

The Tiger Lilies in full bloom at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, March 2008

El Jardín Botánico Lancitella is about a 5km bike ride outside of Tela’s downtown. I hadn’t ridden a bike in over 10 years but it really IS just like riding a bike! I felt so adventurous and outdoorsy. We didn’t completely know where we were going but the wind against my face felt great and the scenery that surrounded us was like a tropical wonderland. Passing fruit stand after fruit stand we arrived at the garden.

Rip off number 2: Garden Tickets
Honduran citizen entrance fee = 40 limps = $2.00
Gringo entrance fee = 120 limps = $6.00

After our tough ride, outside the garden. That's weird German guy in the black.

A tough, rocky ride, we were definitely ready to get off those bikes and walk around a bit. After downing our bottles of water we opted for a tour given to us by a local woman whose family actual lives in the garden. Let me tell ya’ll, this place was absolutely beautiful. The 2nd largest botanical garden in THE WORLD, Lancitella did not disappoint. When we visited all the gardens for my class we only saw these kinds of plants in green houses. Here we had the real deal- these tropical plants were everywhere. 1681 Hectares everywhere with a backdrop of hills upon hills upon hills of luscious green trees and plants. Simply incredible. I knew my Tigerlils would be very proud.

Bamboo up the wazoo at Lancitella.

This plant is from Indonesia originally. So cool looking.

That afternoon John, Arthur, and I found ourselves at the beach. Well ladies and gents, I have been to the Caribbean Sea. To be quite honest, the Tela beach looked kinda like Coney Island. Not necessarily the boardwalk and the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, but the ocean and shore just weren’t that special. The water however, was amazing. The warmest water I have ever touched. It was almost too warm. Almost. While Arthur debated for 45 minutes over buying a hammock and then played dead man’s float with himself, John and I became pruney in the salty water. All the while I was taking in the fact that I was in Honduras, in the bath water ocean, miles away from lectures in Angel Hall and a Charley’s Long Island. I miss college, but this is pretty sweet too.

Sweet, yes, but never the less,

Rip off Number 3: Dinner

We knew that if we wanted to get some good, safe, seafood we might have to pay more than our usual 30 limps for a balleada in Santa Rosa. We decide on this beachfront restaurant. With my piña colada, beach dress, and sunglass I was the picture of an American tourist. My fresh camarones were yummy and the scenery was gorgeous. The service on the other hand, was horrible. No problem- no one tips in Honduras. That is until the waiter brings you the bill and deliberately says, “Tip not included.” He didn’t know much English but he did know that phrase. Oh, and what’s this? 15% tax on drinks and 15% tax on food. Tax? What? I have yet to be taxed at all in Honduras. Where does the tax even go? The government? Ha. Try the waiter’s pocket. We ended up paying about 250 lempira more than our original bill. $15. Doesn’t sound like a lot but it’s the principal gosh darn it!

Monday brought us two adventures, one organized, one impromptu.

Operation 1: Punta Sal

Off the coast of Tela is a penisula called Punta Sal that has been environmentally preserved, banning any form of construction or development on the island. Bright and early (and sweaty) we met our tour group for our daylong excursion. A forty-minute boat ride took us to what basically could be a deserted island...minus the island part. “If you were on a deserted island and could only bring one thing…” I was on a deserted penisula! Next time someone asks me one of those hypotheticals I am going to say- “Been there. Done that. Kthanksbye.”

How typical does this palm tree look? On the shore of Punta Sal.

Here’s the Caribbean Sea I’ve heard about. Not to mention palm trees, coconuts, tropical fish, coral reefs, sunken pirate ship canons!!! (yes! I’m not kidding!), bananas, and wait for it- MONKEYS! Now, as much as I’d like to make you all jealous and say that there were monkeys all around, swinging from vines, giving us bananas, total Tarzan style, I am going to take the high road and be honest. There were monkeys, yes, and I did seem them…sort of. More than anything, I heard them. The foliage is so thick and tall that most of what I saw were black blobs moving and howling. Regardless though, I saw monkeys and you were working in your cubicle. Zing!

Taken on the boat ride around the penisula.

Abby drinking from her coconut on the beach as we waited our typical Garifuna lunch- fried fish, rice, beans, and plantains. SO GOOD.

All in all, the little excursion was pretty cool. Mario, our tour guide was awesome and bilingual, though I usually could understand what he said in Spanish. It seems to me that the people in Tela speak a different kind of Spanish or are perhaps just more used to talking slowly and accurately to tourists. I understood everyone here! I think it gave me a little bit of false hope that my Spanish is actually getting better.


Operation 2: Ditch Arthur

I am a nice person, I really am. (And humble too.) But with some people you just have to know when to say goodbye. After spending two nights and two days with Arthur we were one oddball comment away from punching him. The straw that broke it was when he came completely unprepared for our Punta Sal trip. At the tour office they told us specifically to bring mosquito repellent, sunscreen, bathing suit, and money for lunch. Arthur brought his bathing suit. The fact that we had already lent him money, he had a bit of a stench about him, was extremely aloof and out there, he kind of tagged along in the first place, oh and SAT UP AND STARED AT JOHN WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING, made us all in favor of us “going back to San Pedro a night early” aka finding another hotel to stay in.

Our goodbye was quick and sweet especially after he remarked “Oh yeah, I think I might go back early too.” “Oh yeah? Hmm…Okay well good luck! See ya!” If anything his weirdness brought us three a little closer together.

Rip Off Number 4: Hotel Posada del Sol ... more like Posada del BUL.
As we were checking out, the manager of the mini hotel informs us that oh no, it is not 100 limps for 1 room per night it is 250 limps per room per night. Not to mention we had to pay for our third night because we didn’t check out by 12:00pm.

What we thought: 100 limps per person (2 nights) = $5.00
What we got: 365 limps per person (3 nights) = $18.50

Unfortunately they got us beat in the language department so arguing our point was basically worthless. Wah wah to the max.

Our final night was quite uneventful. We relaxed in our new hotel room, ate a fantastic vegetarian pizza, and enjoyed each other’s company. In the room next to ours was a group of teachers from Copan Ruinas who were also in Tela on vacay. All from the U.S. they shared many of our bilingual school experiences and it was nice to talk to them a bit. They got an extra day off of school and were planning to stay a day more until a group of them got robbed at gunpoint.

Ultimate Rip Off: Being robbed at gunpoint.
I will take every single rip off I got. Thank GOD this was not me. Apparently it was a block away from our hotel and at 7:30pm. Totally could have been us.

This kind of stuff infuriates me. Tela is a new hot spot in Honduras, not yet spoiled by tourism and resorts so naturally travelers like it. The tourism that they are getting however has completely boosted their economy and has made Tela on the up and up. When these types of actions happen it is saying to tourists- don’t come here, you’re going to get robbed. Let me make an extra buck right now and ruin the tourism economy for the rest of the area. Clearly none of those ladies will go back to Tela and I am not going to take any of you there. It’s just plain stupid and cancels out all of the positive efforts that are happening.

Two bus rides later and we were finally back in SR. It was so nice to have an actual home to come back to and a bed with my name on it. The trip was great but at the same time it definitely made me appreciate Santa Rosa. They may not have level sidewalks or an ocean, but the citizens of Santa Rosa have a little class not yet spoiled by the onset of tourism.